7 months

So, I'm sorry I have not been available for a while. I've been super busy, extremely stressed, and lazy in between. I stay up too late and get up too early. School sucks, and I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be until yesterday. Me and the boyfriend got into a big fight.

You see, he likes to think he is so much busier than I am, and he's always tired or grumpy around me. I finally call him out on it, and he blows up in my face. He even put me on a guilt trip. This was totally out of habit because he used to be a really caring and sweet guy.

For the past month, I do believe that we have not been getting along as well as usual. I'm clingy, and he doesn't have much time to spare. I get that I was a bit wrong for bothering him about being tired and busy.

He did so well when I finally got the balls, caved, and asked him to talk it out with me. We argued; we both said some very mean things. What is important is that I finally got to let out all those feelings I had about the demon and such. After we decided we needed to stop being subtly mean to each other, he explained things in the "we" sense.

It was amazing. He was all like,

"We should work on not getting mad about the little things."

"We both just need to hold it in sometimes until we cool off."

"We can talk about our feelings calmly."

ETC...

That "we" talk calmed me down a lot. It's like you're not attacking the other person as much. It's not like YOU SAID, YOU DID, YOU KNEW... He's so smart, seeing what ticks me off.

THEN... he said he wanted to tell me something. OK we were just fighting, so automatically I thought this was gonna be bad. He said I love you which I knew wasn't what the deal was. He was scared to tell me.

I talked him into telling me.

"You know, some day I fully intend to propose to you."

Chills. Butterflies. That feeling where you want to call your mother really bad. You want to shout, to smile, to make sweet love right there on the picnic table.

I said nothing. I didn't make an facial expressions. I said OK.

WOW. I know I'm a dumbass. When guys tell you their feelings about serious shit, you have to praise them. I just didn't want to be creeperish. I know that sounds stupid because he's the one talking about marriage. I have been dreaming of weddings since I took a look at Ex Hot Girl's photography blog. The weddings just make me smile.

He puts his head down saying he feels stupid. No. Please don't. You just put me into shock. I didn't mean to keep silent, I just tend to have weird word vomit at weird times. I was probably gonna say something like, "Yes, I'll marry you!" WEIRD.

Truly, that sentence made my whole world worth it. He cares so much. I care so much. And in seven months, I have grown into the person I want to be all because of him.

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."- Herman Hesse

WM