Right Beside You

You know when you find that special, warm, inviting, comfortable place where you just feel like you belong? Usually it has to do with a group of people--friends, family, congregation, class, club, or even a relationship. I just realized that last one.

When I searched out colleges, I had no idea what I was looking for. All I knew is that I was leaving my friends and my family behind, so I needed a very inviting place where I could work up some replacements. Of course, no one will ever replace my family, but some one can become more than a friend.

I only applied to two places. Baylor and well, my present college (PC), since I am such a mysterious ninja, seemed like two completely different and well-thought-out choices. Baylor is huge, and they can have numerous amounts of students in one classroom; however, it was closer to home. I am from a very small town, so unless they offered me a full free ride, I wasn't going. I hate driving in cities.

My PC was actually pretty small, had a family feel to it, and was located in a city I had already driven in and knew. I decided it was going to be my final choice. I locked it in with my mother and the packing began.

I was terrified. My roommate and I had talked on the phone some over the summer, though I had never seen her. She sounded spoiled, bratty, part of the large group of people that I generally don't like. Well, I generally don't like many people, or else I just take time to get to know someone.

When I got there, she was actually pretty cool. We were both very similar. (Now, living together has pretty much forced us to hate each other most of the time.) We became besties. So, the tearing away of my family and friends from back home didn't hurt so badly now that I had a friend.

It's not only her, though. The faculty here is so involved and friendly. You can get help from anyone except the business office who handles your money; I don't like them very much. Hey! This is an expensive school! There are numerous social clubs, traditions out the wazoo, and a very fun homecoming bringing the alumni back together. The classes are small, and you get more attention than you would really like, but it's a good thing.

Anyways, on with it. When I met my boyfriend, it seemed like I belonged here even more. I never really knew why I applied to this school. I just knew the town, and I know this might sound stupid, but I think I was meant to come here. Pulled by some unknown force like a magnet to its opposite pole. It was destiny. Fate.

Every time he holds my close to his chest in our pre-sleep cuddling, I feel like I fit there perfectly. It seems that we were made for each other. I don't mean to be mushy, it's just that he left the other day to go on a tour of some sort. He won't be back until Wednesday night, and I am just completely lost without him. I've been wondering around campus like a tiny lost puppy.

This miserable feeling I have just makes me love him more. I have never missed someone so much in my life, and I don't know what I would do without him.

So, after so long of wondering, I know where I belong: right beside you.

"I don't want this moment to ever end where everything's nothing without you."-Sum 41 "With Me"

WM

7 months

So, I'm sorry I have not been available for a while. I've been super busy, extremely stressed, and lazy in between. I stay up too late and get up too early. School sucks, and I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be until yesterday. Me and the boyfriend got into a big fight.

You see, he likes to think he is so much busier than I am, and he's always tired or grumpy around me. I finally call him out on it, and he blows up in my face. He even put me on a guilt trip. This was totally out of habit because he used to be a really caring and sweet guy.

For the past month, I do believe that we have not been getting along as well as usual. I'm clingy, and he doesn't have much time to spare. I get that I was a bit wrong for bothering him about being tired and busy.

He did so well when I finally got the balls, caved, and asked him to talk it out with me. We argued; we both said some very mean things. What is important is that I finally got to let out all those feelings I had about the demon and such. After we decided we needed to stop being subtly mean to each other, he explained things in the "we" sense.

It was amazing. He was all like,

"We should work on not getting mad about the little things."

"We both just need to hold it in sometimes until we cool off."

"We can talk about our feelings calmly."

ETC...

That "we" talk calmed me down a lot. It's like you're not attacking the other person as much. It's not like YOU SAID, YOU DID, YOU KNEW... He's so smart, seeing what ticks me off.

THEN... he said he wanted to tell me something. OK we were just fighting, so automatically I thought this was gonna be bad. He said I love you which I knew wasn't what the deal was. He was scared to tell me.

I talked him into telling me.

"You know, some day I fully intend to propose to you."

Chills. Butterflies. That feeling where you want to call your mother really bad. You want to shout, to smile, to make sweet love right there on the picnic table.

I said nothing. I didn't make an facial expressions. I said OK.

WOW. I know I'm a dumbass. When guys tell you their feelings about serious shit, you have to praise them. I just didn't want to be creeperish. I know that sounds stupid because he's the one talking about marriage. I have been dreaming of weddings since I took a look at Ex Hot Girl's photography blog. The weddings just make me smile.

He puts his head down saying he feels stupid. No. Please don't. You just put me into shock. I didn't mean to keep silent, I just tend to have weird word vomit at weird times. I was probably gonna say something like, "Yes, I'll marry you!" WEIRD.

Truly, that sentence made my whole world worth it. He cares so much. I care so much. And in seven months, I have grown into the person I want to be all because of him.

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."- Herman Hesse

WM

Goosebumps

So, how do you figure out you are truly, deeply, madly, completely in love?

I get goosebumps.

Whenever I hear a special song on the radio or see a picture of a seriously happy couple, I know that Guy and me are supposed to be together. It's destiny, fate, whatever you want to call it.

When we first got together, we listened to a lot of music. A LOT. One day as we were sitting outside chatting about the random happenings of life, I decided to wander around on YouTube. The goal of this little cyber adventure was to find a really good song we had never heard before and experience it together for the first time.

I had been listening to quite a bit of Sum 41, so I typed them in. I passed up all the songs I already knew and came across "With Me." It was incredible. One of the lines spoke of love finding its way to you. Everytime I hear that song, I get goosebumps.

I recently began following the blog of Ex-Hot Girl, who is not at all ugly. As I read, I noticed she was a photographer, a fantastic photographer at that. I took a look at some of her pictures of weddings and such. I couldn't stop. She captured the extreme happiness in couples that I have found. I got goosebumps. I encourage you to take a look at her page: JBe Photography.

It's not just pictures and songs that give me the goosies. It's his eyes. Those bright blue eyes that make me want to cry when they look into mine. The bright blue eyes that let me know everything is going to be fine. The bright blue eyes that have some sort of gravitational force making me not want to pull away even if we're fighting. The bright bue eyes that give me goosebumps.

Love is an emotion so strong that it even shows up physically. Love is getting goosebumps.

Clingy?

I'm not clingy.. I promise. I just ask for a lot of his time, not all of it. OK. Close to all of it. I can't help it. They say that part of loving someone is wanting to be with them every second. I guess its just that he's so busy... and I'm not. He's all important and stuff, and I'm not. It's just that everything is changing. It already changed when we started in August. Schedules were different; his was packed and mine was pretty empty.

I feel so fulfilled after finding him. I feel like I don't have to find anything else to do because I have him to keep me busy. I don't need to meet more people because he is all I need. I am totally and completely satisfied with him, and I don't need anything else to steal my attention. I feel like I'm dedicated. I don't understand. Why does he need yet another job when he makes enough money as it is?

I can't help but be paranoid. Why does he jump in the shower right when he gets home from work. He doesn't even kiss me hello. I'm in the kitchen cooking, and I hear three slams. Front door, bathroom door, shower door. Is our life so pitiful and boring that he needs to spice it up with business and maybe even a little pleasure. I would rather not think about it. I don't know why I am.

He's always been there when I needed him. Once, he left an important meeting when I told him I was at the doctor getting a checkup. He rushed over to make sure I was alright. He is very truly committed to me. I could not imagine him ever cheating on me. It's just not in his nature.

Girls can't help but be a little paranoid every now and then. We know what happens: he breaks your heart, you creep on his Facebook, eat lots of comfort foods, masterbate, and cry yourself to sleep at night while curled up in the fetal position. No girl wants to go through that. Now it's not the best idea to go and acuse him of something he never did. Just be a little curious and worried sometimes. If he loves you, he will realize that you just love him enough to not want to lose him.

I've heard many accounts of what love is like, but one is unforgettable:

Love is being able to get mad at him, knowing that it will all
work out for
the best.

It's like you can fight without feeling like what you're feeling is stupid. You can say whatever you want including expletives that you know he hates yet still know deep down inside that you still love each other very much. Love is laughing, smiling, making love, hugging kissing, playing, tickling, cheesing, grinning, chuckling, fucking, fighting, relating, understanding, caring, sharing, yelling, kneeling, proposing, praying, answering, wondering, knowing, and being yourself. Love is being clingy (to a point).