I Thought I Had Him

I thought that this was the one. This was the man who could finally make me happy. The one before him mde me cry every night, literally. But this one?

 I thought he was the fish that I didn't have to throw back. I thought he was the one I would mount on a pretty piece of wood and hang in my living room for all to see and admire.

I thought he would never lie to me. I thought he really loved me for who I am--quirks, flaws, weirdness included. I thought he would hold me in his arms forever as if I was some sort of magic that would float away if not held in the correct position.

 I thought he would be the one I could always talk to, cry to, yell at, fight with, tickle, play, and love because everything would always be better in the end. I always boast about him in front of my friends because he always did THE SWEETEST things for me. He was a real romantic whom was easy to characterize in a story because I didn't have to make things up in order for him to be seen as a prince.

I thought he would always forgive me. I get angry super easily, and that is one of my most repelling flaws. Somehow he accepted my flaws, and we always made up in the end. Somehow he saw me as perfect when I was completely imperfect. He saw the sparkle in my eyes, not the bulge around my waist. He saw my smile instead of my big feet.

I thought I would never have to look again. He was the one. I had already decided I was done looking. It sucks being out in the singles world. Creepy people hit on you, and you really just don't know who is a creeper sometimes.

I thought his smile would always brighten my day, and his voice would put a song in my heart for only me to listen. I thought he would never lie.


I WAS WRONG. ROYALLY WRONG.

He lied. He drank. He told me he was with his sick grandmother. That is wrong on so many levels. He is unethical, unjust, unemotional, selfish, and a bastard. (Excuse my rightful language.)

He really gets mad at me because I am mad at him.

He really just wants sex all of the time.

He really makes me feel terrible for pledging a social club. There is no hazing, drinking, or anything stupid involved.

I don't get it.

Someone explain why I fell in love with a lying douchebag.

Right Beside You

You know when you find that special, warm, inviting, comfortable place where you just feel like you belong? Usually it has to do with a group of people--friends, family, congregation, class, club, or even a relationship. I just realized that last one.

When I searched out colleges, I had no idea what I was looking for. All I knew is that I was leaving my friends and my family behind, so I needed a very inviting place where I could work up some replacements. Of course, no one will ever replace my family, but some one can become more than a friend.

I only applied to two places. Baylor and well, my present college (PC), since I am such a mysterious ninja, seemed like two completely different and well-thought-out choices. Baylor is huge, and they can have numerous amounts of students in one classroom; however, it was closer to home. I am from a very small town, so unless they offered me a full free ride, I wasn't going. I hate driving in cities.

My PC was actually pretty small, had a family feel to it, and was located in a city I had already driven in and knew. I decided it was going to be my final choice. I locked it in with my mother and the packing began.

I was terrified. My roommate and I had talked on the phone some over the summer, though I had never seen her. She sounded spoiled, bratty, part of the large group of people that I generally don't like. Well, I generally don't like many people, or else I just take time to get to know someone.

When I got there, she was actually pretty cool. We were both very similar. (Now, living together has pretty much forced us to hate each other most of the time.) We became besties. So, the tearing away of my family and friends from back home didn't hurt so badly now that I had a friend.

It's not only her, though. The faculty here is so involved and friendly. You can get help from anyone except the business office who handles your money; I don't like them very much. Hey! This is an expensive school! There are numerous social clubs, traditions out the wazoo, and a very fun homecoming bringing the alumni back together. The classes are small, and you get more attention than you would really like, but it's a good thing.

Anyways, on with it. When I met my boyfriend, it seemed like I belonged here even more. I never really knew why I applied to this school. I just knew the town, and I know this might sound stupid, but I think I was meant to come here. Pulled by some unknown force like a magnet to its opposite pole. It was destiny. Fate.

Every time he holds my close to his chest in our pre-sleep cuddling, I feel like I fit there perfectly. It seems that we were made for each other. I don't mean to be mushy, it's just that he left the other day to go on a tour of some sort. He won't be back until Wednesday night, and I am just completely lost without him. I've been wondering around campus like a tiny lost puppy.

This miserable feeling I have just makes me love him more. I have never missed someone so much in my life, and I don't know what I would do without him.

So, after so long of wondering, I know where I belong: right beside you.

"I don't want this moment to ever end where everything's nothing without you."-Sum 41 "With Me"

WM