Here are the top ten things that really just tick me off. I could have gone on and on, but there's only so much bitching a reader can take right? Oh. By the way, I stole my title from Family Guy. Love that show.
First off, really loud people make me want to wrap them up in a tarp. No matter if it's on a cell phone, in a quiet place such as a library, or that unbearable obnoxious fake laugh, loud people seem to be everywhere.
It's even worse when they're talking very loudly about something that should be private. "Oh yeah. I found out my ex had gonnorhea. Yeah. I got cheacked. I'm still waiting for the results. The doc told me to watch for discharge..." Ugh. Then the obnoxious laughers walk by and really let it out. It's like a collision of all the shit that pisses me off.
Secondly, people who touch my radio should be warned. Don't touch my music. Even if there's a commercial, it might be a good commercial. I'm still listening to it. When I listen to music, I get in this sort of state... a happy state... until someone walks in, turns it down, and completely ruins my awesome mojo. Thanks bastard. You just switched on the bitch.
Thirdly, those lame ass guys who check you out at the red light. Wow! I can feel their eyes peeling my clothes off. Hurry, roll the windows up and lock the doors. Now he's doing the kissy thing with his lips. Really? Honestly? Seriously? Flip him the finger and take off at the first sight of green.
Fourthly, that bastard who feels the need to shoot sparks out of his mufflers at 4 in the am across the street at that convenience store. I've been here for a little over a year, and he never fails to at least make me look out the window and think about going over there and giving him a piece of my mind. But, Mr. SparkShooter is smart. He knows its too early for any reasonable person to want to come out and get his ass. Hopefully the unreasonable person is very tall and scary looking. Hopefully he is VERY unreasonable.
Fifthly, bigger people who wear skinny jeans need to realize what they're putting the rest of us through. I understand they are the style nowadays, just not your style. I tried a pair on the other day. I'm not fat, I'm just not skinny jean material. I looked funny as hell, but at least I realized it before my ass went public. It was like something very large going into something very small. HA! Yeah I was thinking dirty.
Sixthly, those people during group work who insist they are right, but they end up wrong. Then they just brush it off like it was the whole group's fault. Well, if you would have taken our advice and just shut the hell up maybe we could be caught up with everyone else. No. We must do as you say King or we shall dare to listen to the most annoying temper tantrum ever. No. I don't have kids.
Seventhly, people who eat my food. I have a roommate and she has a lot of food. It's in her fridge, by her fridge, on her desk, in her chair. There is food everywhere. Yet, when I have food it's like its better because it's mine. Even the cheapest stalest cookies will call her to attention. She'll do the whole puppy dog pouty face until I give in. Ugh. Whatever. Take it. I'll just wait until you get fat so I can giggle as I give you yet another potatoe chip.
Eighthly, guys who straighten their hair. I was "talking" to tis guy one time, and I actually had to wait on him. He was the one who was fashionably late. Ugh. He was so full of himself. He was a guitarist, and he thought I had fun sitting there watching him strum away to the stereo. Really?
Ninthly, people who talk in a different language even though you know they and their entire family know English. I remember everyone would be laughing but me. I would have to wait for an explanation in English. That's how you treat your guests. Make them listen really hard to try to understand what you're saying. Then let them laugh late like a dumbass.
Tenthly and finally, people who take up the whole sidewalk. I understand that one may be overly large and can't help it; but, if you're skinny and just in a group... get in a line. It's not that hard. Next time I'm just gonna run you the hell over. Oh I'm so sorry. Gain some weight and maybe I'll see you next time. Nothing against the skinny people. You're beautiful. All of you. Just don't own the sidewalk like its a runway. Cause its not...
No offense to my old English teacher who always said it grinds her gears for me to say firstly, secondly, thirdly,...
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